One more sleep and a new year will dawn, technically none, as who sleeps on New Years Eve?. Thank god and good riddance to 2009. 2010 is going to be different. Better. Life changing. And I'm not saying that sound all new agey and "think positive" psycho babble. It just has to be, there is no other option.
Although 2009 wasn't the best of years for me personally, I will be forever thankful for some of the amazing things I was able to see, partake in, accomplish and learn.
The Positives:
* I became an auntie this year to a beautiful baby boy of my closet cousin, Courtney and her husband Brian. Hudson is an adorable, happy natured little guy. I love watching him grow up. I will also become an Auntie again this year thanks to Court and Brian - they are expecting their second child mid August.
* I got to see 3 of my favorite bands in concert, it rocked.
* I got to see Jenn Rose twice in one year, which has only happened once before. Jenn is one of my closest friends who lives in Surrey, BC. On the May long weekend I headed over there for a joint birthday party, shopping and ziplining on the Island. It was a busy 4 days (6 if you count the driving) but totally worth it. In August, Jenn and her boyfriend Jordan came to Edmonton to visit. And although that visit was shorter, it was so nice to have them here.
* I painted and redecorated my apartment. And although it still doesn't feel like home some days, it is better than what it was before and feels cozy.
* I've met some cool people this year that I enjoy hanging out with. The more the merrier.
* I went to Hawaii for 9 days and had a blast. Although I was with my mom and her boyfriend, we did our own things during the day. In essence, it was a solo trip with the security of knowing I wasn't completely alone on some island in the middle of nowhere. I got to do what I wanted, how I wanted. I had to step outside my comfort zone and make friends with people I probably normally wouldn't talk to. It was refreshing. And the biggest bonus, I got to see so many different varieties of my favorite flower - Plumeria. I know, nerd, but whatever. Nothing was better than waking up in the morning and being able to pick one of those fragrant flowers and smile.
Throughout it all though, I do have one quality that I admire and hope never goes away; I always remain hopeful. It may be naive, it may set me up for more falls and broken hearts, but I rather have a hopeful, a healthy idealistic/realistic point of view on things rather than a pessimistic one. That's no fun. And although I have every reason to be one of those pessimistic people, it's not in me. I haven't been broke that hard yet and don't ever want to be.
This year, I think I've also balanced out idealism and realism to a certain degree. I will always have an idealistic point of view - I've come to terms with that, but I have developed better ways to keep everything in check and make sure that the perfection that I expect from nearly everything will rarely happen and I'm ok with that.
What needs to change in 2010:
* To be able to live by these 2 mottos (I know, gay, whatever): What will be, will be. And Who we are is who we are. I think that if people tried to follow these two ways of thinking a little more closely, we'd have a less complicated world.
* Living situation - I need to move. Preferably somewhere on the NE end of the city. Being marooned out in the west end is starting to suck. I work on the SE end. I have a half an hour to 45 minute commute on the way to work and sometimes up to an hour and a half on the way home. Stupid. Most of my friends live on the NE and I'm over there 4-5 nights a week. Half hour each way. Again, stupid. The only hesitation I have is that I am finally half comfortable with my place. I like how it's decorated for the most part. I don't know if I want to change that. Though it'd save my car and myself a lot of miles. We'll see.
* I want to stock pile $$ for a trip to Ireland. Hopefully to spend Christmas 2011 there. Get away from family and pressure and do something for me. Go to a place that I've wanted to see since I was probably 12 or 13. It just sounds like a relaxing way to go about an otherwise unpleasant time of the year for me.
* School - I really want to go back. I cannot afford to though the way things are. I'd pretty much have to work my full time job, get a part time job and then take night school. I have a feeling there is no way that can be done in a 24 hour day, and if it were, nearly impossible to function that way. I'd run myself ragged. Stress, lack of sleep and general upheavals bring out my lupus flare ups. That's just a nasty one waiting to happen and I could potentially be flat on my ass for weeks. So maybe if I got a roommate, moved or did something along those lines, I could afford to go to school. I have a few ideas as to what I want to do. Problem is, that for the most part, the things that really interest me (Social Work for example) pay the least and can end up being really shitty jobs for the first few years. Not that I am afraid of the shittiness that is being low man (woman) on the totem pole - it's just that being a single lady in a big city, I can't afford to take a pay cut from what I'm making now. I can't afford to wait that out for a few years either until I move up. I'll figure it out.
* I appreciate the job that I have now, I excel at it. But sometimes it seems that it's starting to get boring, rarely challenges me anymore and I know I could do so much more. I'm about as high up as woman can go in this company at my age. I'm the baby here for the most part. I think there is one guy out in the shop that is a little younger than me, by a few months. This is where an education would come in handy. What I would love to do most part (own and run a successful flower shop) is unattainable for me at the moment. With age, experience and a few other goals of mine completed, I will get there. This is that limbo period.
* Cutting ties with home - Home will probably always be my happy place. My only real fond childhood memories stem from that place. I've done some pretty fun and crazy things up there, I feel safe, I love almost everything about it. But I can't go live back up there. Not now, and not probably for a long time. The visits I take up there are nice, refreshing, ground me. But they make me miss something that I will never have again - not in that same sense. The nostalgia of going up there plays with me a for a few days afterwards. Maybe one day. Not now.
So all in all, I have a few things to work on. A few things to figure out. But the root issues, the daily grind problems, tribulations and successes - I feel I have those down pat. I am proud of my accomplishments. If you were to tell me 3 years ago today that I'd be sitting here typing the above to you, I would of asked what turnip truck dropped you off. I didn't think it was all possible. 90% of it came from an inner strength that I didn't know that I had. 10% came from some amazing friends that never let me throw my hands up in the air in tears and give in. Their support and love are invaluable and never will be forgotten.
So with that, Happy New Year! Passing to you the most sincere of sincere best wishes for 2010.
Jess
